IN THE MARGINS: When the world wants you to be someone you’re not

By Tony Martin
Editor

Ever feel like you’re playing a part in a play you didn’t audition for? Like somehow, the world has cast you in a role you never wanted, slapped a costume on you, handed you a script, and said, “Now act like this.”

It happens to all of us. The world is loud with its opinions. It’s got a checklist for what you should look like, sound like, believe, and do. Smile more. Be less intense. Don’t rock the boat. Climb the ladder. Fit in. Get ahead.

But here’s the thing: God didn’t call us to fit in. He called us to stand out — not in a flashy or arrogant way, but in a holy, set-apart, deeply grounded kind of way. As followers of Jesus, we are, in His words, not of this world (John 17:14). We’re described in Scripture as strangers, pilgrims, sojourners — just passing through. This isn’t our final destination. And yet, here we are — living, working, raising families, going to school, surrounded by a culture that keeps trying to tell us who we should be.

So how do we live in the world without letting the world live in us?

Let’s talk about it.

The Pressure to Conform

Romans 12:2 tells us plainly: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Conformity is subtle. It creeps in through what we watch, what we listen to, who we spend time with, and even the lies we tell ourselves just to keep the peace.

The world pressures us to conform because it’s uncomfortable with the different. And make no mistake: if you’re walking with Jesus, your life will look different. It should. We’re called to love differently, speak differently, forgive differently, and even suffer differently.

But the temptation to blend in is strong. Why? Because being different costs something. It costs relationships, opportunities, approval. Sometimes it just costs the quiet, comfortable life we think we want.

But here’s what I’ve learned: the price of being someone you’re not is always higher than the price of being who God made you to be.

When Expectations Weigh You Down

It’s not just the world’s expectations that can crush you. Sometimes it’s the expectations of the people closest to you — your family, friends, church community, or workplace.

They may mean well, but their version of your life isn’t always in alignment with God’s. And that’s a hard pill to swallow.

Maybe you’ve felt it:

  • The pressure to be the “strong one” who never struggles.
  • The expectation to say yes to everything — because saying no feels selfish.
  • The subtle guilt when you choose obedience to God over comfort or convenience.

But here’s a little truth bomb: God never asked you to carry what He didn’t give you. And not every expectation placed on you is yours to bear.

Galatians 1:10 pulls no punches: “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? … If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Ouch. But also… whew. That’s some freedom right there.

How to Flourish Without Losing Yourself

Flourishing in a world that wants to remake you takes intentionality. It’s not about isolation or judgment—it’s about alignment. Aligning your identity, your values, your heart with the One who made you.

So how do we do that? Here are a few things I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way):

  1. Stay rooted in the Word.
    The Bible isn’t just a guidebook — it’s a mirror. It tells us who we really are. When the world says, “You should be more like this,” Scripture reminds us, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).
  2. Listen to God’s voice above all others.
    The world is noisy. But God still speaks — in whispers, in quiet nudges, in truth that cuts through the fog. You won’t hear Him unless you make space to listen.
  3. Set boundaries with love and courage.
    Jesus said “no” sometimes. He walked away from crowds. He disappointed people. Not out of spite, but out of alignment with the Father. You can, too.
  4. Find your people.
    Walking this out alone is hard. Surround yourself with others who are trying to live authentically for Christ. Encourage one another. Challenge each other. Keep each other anchored.
  5. Give yourself grace.
    You’re going to stumble. You’ll try to be all things to all people and realize — again — that it’s not sustainable. That’s okay. Grace is your safety net.

Living Unburdened and Unapologetic

The goal isn’t to rebel for rebellion’s sake. It’s to live with purpose and clarity, unburdened by false expectations and unapologetic about your identity in Christ.

When you stop trying to be who the world wants and start being who God made you to be, something shifts. You begin to live lighter. You begin to love deeper. You begin to flourish — not in a worldly way, but in a kingdom way.

You start becoming a light.

So today, if you’re weary from trying to live up to roles God never cast you in, take a breath. Drop the script. Step out of the costume. Come back to who you are — a beloved child of God, chosen, known, and free.

Let the world keep its boxes. You were never meant to fit inside one anyway.