By Tony Martin
Editor
Have you noticed how truly listening to someone has become a rare skill? In our culture today, empathy — the ability to understand and share another’s feelings — seems to be in short supply. People talk past each other; genuine listening and connection are harder to find. Instead of compassion, we often see a “me-first” mentality that leaves no room for considering how our words or actions affect anyone else. Every discussion feels like a battleground of opinions rather than an opportunity to understand another heart. No wonder it can feel like empathy is on the endangered species list.
Recent trends bear this out. Studies indicate a steep decline in empathy over the past few decades — one analysis found that almost 75% of college students today rate themselves as less empathic than students 30 years ago. In a hyper-individualistic age, many of us have simply lost the ability (and the patience) to listen to others. And when people do listen, they struggle to find a point of connection. Conversations become debates to win, not chances to bond. The result? We drift apart. Relationships that once felt solid begin to fray. Sometimes the separation is gradual; other times there’s a sudden cutting off, a decision that “I’m done with you” because we can’t see eye to eye. It’s as if we’ve forgotten how to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes.
Worst of all is the growing attitude of not only “I don’t care what you feel,” but “I want to silence you from even expressing it.” This goes beyond mere apathy into active suppression. We see it on social media and in public discourse — people quick to shout down or cancel those who hold different views. Disagreement turns into disengagement: Just be quiet. I don’t want to hear you. This impulse to silence others is toxic. It stifles understanding and feeds fear. And for those of us who are Christians, let’s be clear: that attitude has no place in the life of a believer.
When We Stop Listening
What actually happens when we stop listening? We not only miss out on others’ thoughts and feelings, but we also lose our ability to empathize. Empathy dies in an environment where no one is truly heard. In our insecurity or pride, we may try to control the conversation — to make our point, to defend our stance — but when we do that, we shut people down. As one writer observes, the moment we let our fear or need for control take over, we “lose the ability to feel with people” and we end up silencing them. In other words, when winning an argument becomes more important than understanding a person, empathy goes out the window.
Perhaps you’ve witnessed this in personal relationships or community life. A friend tries to open up about something painful, but their listener jumps in with criticism or a lecture. A church member raises an uncomfortable issue, and others immediately shut it down. When we react with defensiveness or dismissal, the message we send is: Your feelings don’t matter. Over time, people learn it’s “not safe” to share honestly, and meaningful conversation ceases. The connection between us withers. We end up with shallow interactions or broken relationships — all because we wouldn’t truly listen.
Contrast that with what happens when someone does listen with empathy. Walls come down. Trust builds. Even if we disagree, the very act of listening says “I care about you.” That’s why empathy is so powerful — and why the refusal to listen is so destructive. It’s also why Christians, of all people, are called to a higher standard.
A Christian Call to Empathy
For followers of Christ, tuning out and shutting others up is simply not an option. The Bible may not use the word “empathy,” but it absolutely commands the principle of empathy. We are told to “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15) — in other words, enter into the joys and sorrows of others. Scripture says that the church is like a body, and “if one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together” (1 Corinthians 12:26). That is empathy in action, built into the very fabric of Christian community.
Over and over, God’s Word urges us to cultivate a compassionate heart instead of a hard heart. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you,” Paul writes (Ephesians 4:32). “All of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind,” Peter echoes (1 Peter 3:8). We’re instructed to be “quick to listen, slow to speak” (James 1:19) and to “look not only to [our] own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4). None of these are possible without empathy. In fact, the New Testament gives these commands precisely because empathy doesn’t come naturally to us — our fallen nature defaults to selfishness and pride. But as Christians we’re called to rise above what comes naturally and to love supernaturally.
Most of all, we look to Jesus as our model. Jesus consistently showed empathy during His earthly ministry. “Jesus wept” when His friend Lazarus died and He saw Lazarus’s sister weeping. He was so moved, He entered into her grief (John 11:33–35). When crowds of hurting people came to Him, “He had compassion on them” (Matthew 9:36). Far from silencing people, Jesus invited them to share their hurts and hopes. He listened to outcasts and sinners. He wept over the unrepentant and prayed for His executioners. If our Lord responded to others with such compassion, how can we, His followers, justify responding with cold indifference or irritation? “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ,” Paul writes (Galatians 6:2). Loving our neighbor means listening, caring, and empathizing — even when it’s hard.
Leaning on God to Love Better
By now we might agree that empathy is critical, but we also might admit it’s hard to practice. So is there hope for us, especially if empathy isn’t our strong suit? Absolutely. As Christians, we don’t have to manufacture empathy out of our own strength — we can lean on God to help us love better than our human nature allows. God specializes in changing hearts. He can soften a hardened heart and “remove the heart of stone” to give a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26). His Holy Spirit works in us to produce “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22–23) — all the ingredients needed for an empathetic life.
Practically, we can start by praying for a listening ear and an understanding heart. Instead of reacting with anger or defensiveness, we ask God for the humility to truly hear the other person. Remember that empathy requires vulnerability and a willingness to let go of control. We might fear that if we really empathize with someone, we’ll have to change or we might “lose” an argument. But in truth, empathy is not weakness — it’s Christlike strength. When we set aside our pride and choose to feel with someone, it honors God and reflects His love.
In fact, embracing empathy will not only bless others — it will transform us. By stepping into another’s shoes, we begin to see people through Jesus’s eyes. We break out of the bubble of self and grow in spiritual maturity. One Christian teacher noted that if we allow ourselves to listen to people’s “longings and losses,” it changes our perspective, and “we will no longer be able to sit in condescending judgment.” Empathy makes us more like Christ, who was full of grace and truth. It softens our judgmental edges and deepens our capacity to love.
So, whatever happened to empathy? It may be waning in the world at large, but it doesn’t have to disappear from our lives. We who follow Jesus can lead the way in bringing empathy back. It starts with each of us choosing to listen before speaking, to seek connection rather than division, and to value people over winning points. When we can’t find it in ourselves to care, we lean on God, “because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). We draw from the endless well of His love to pour out compassion on others.
Imagine the impact if we all did this. Families would heal from old wounds as members truly hear each other. Friendships would deepen. Churches would become havens of safety where anyone can share and find understanding, instead of fear of judgment. The world would see a refreshing contrast in Christians who actually practice empathy in a cold, self-centered age. They would see Christ’s love through us in action.
Empathy isn’t gone forever — not if we’re willing to reclaim it. Let’s start by listening well to those around us, finding points of connection rather than conflict. Let’s model a better way, remembering that every person we meet is someone God loves and Jesus died for. By God’s grace, we can counter the culture of indifference and silencing with a culture of caring. Listening, understanding, and sharing in one another’s burdens are hallmarks of the Christian life. May we lean on the Lord to revive empathy in our hearts, so that in a divided world, we become agents of His peace and love.
As Scripture encourages us: “Bear with each other and forgive one another… And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3:13-14). That’s the kind of empathetic, Christ-like love that can bridge any divide. Let’s go live it out — with God’s help, one listening ear at a time.
Sources:
Jamil Zaki, Scientific American – What, Me Care? Young Are Less Empathetic (2011): Decline in empathy among young people scientificamerican.comscientificamerican.com.
Ava Pennington – Whatever Happened to Empathy? (2020 blog): Cultural lack of empathy and biblical basis for empathy avapennington.comavapennington.com.
Scott Cormode, De Pree Center – Listening with Empathy: Dangers of shutting others down and the transformative power of empathy depree.orgdepree.org.
